It begins with a loss — of a loved one, a relationship, a loyal pet — and triggers a reaction right there and then, or when least expected. One day everything seems fine; the next, everything feels like it’s in pieces. Emotions run the gamut, from a quiet, heartbroken sadness to an intense ugly cry.
Remembering happy memories, funny anecdotes and quirks helps with the healing process. PHOTO FROM MAKATIMED
There is no right or wrong way to grieve, so much so that it isn’t necessary to go through psychiatrist Elizabeth Kübler-Ross’ five stages of grief — denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance — in their exact order.
“In fact, it’s perfectly all right to skip some, re-experience others, or feel things not mentioned by Dr. Ross, like shock or guilt,” said Jon Edward Jurilla, doctor from the Department of Psychiatry of Makati Medical Center (MakatiMed).
“Grief is a very personal experience. No two people grieve alike,” the medical expert added.
Well-meaning family and friends can also be divided on how long one should grieve. Some will say to take as much time as needed, while others hope for a quicker recovery.
“Grief is a natural, human response that can be physically and emotionally gut-wrenching,” explained Jurilla. “Losing a spouse, parent, or child can feel like losing a part of oneself, because in reality, they were.”
The first step to healing, Jurilla pointed out, is to acknowledge the feelings.
“Don’t suppress them or pass judgment for crying or screaming. Allow the expression of sadness, anger, regret, and whatever emotions come up.”
After acknowledging and allowing emotions to surface, finding constructive outlets for them can help ease the weight of grief. Below are other healthy ways to cope and gradually move toward healing:
Talk about it. “Whether with a close family member, a trusted confidant, a spiritual adviser, or a trained professional, saying thoughts out loud can be cathartic.”
Find other ways to express grief. “Writing thoughts down in a journal or going for long walks in nature can help,” Dr. Jurilla suggested. “The quiet time could give you clarity.”
Have company. “Surround yourself with people who genuinely care. Comfort can also be found in support groups whose members are going through a similar experience.”
Don’t neglect basic care. “Grief can be physically and emotionally exhausting. Eat well and get enough sleep. Allow others to help. If someone offers to take you out to lunch, buy groceries, or give a ride, graciously accept.”
Keep the one lost close. “Saving a picture of that person on a phone or wallet or wearing a piece of jewelry or article of clothing that belonged to them can somehow make it feel like they’re still around. This softens the blow of the loss.”
Remember the good times. “Recalling happy memories, funny anecdotes, and quirks that made that person special provides respite from the tears.”
Take things one day at a time. As mentioned, grieving is a natural process, and all feelings are valid.
“Eventually, as time passes and sadness slowly gives way to calm acceptance, that doesn’t mean the person or thing lost is loved any less. It simply means they live on in memories and in the heart.”
For more information, contact MakatiMed On-Call at +63288888.
